We discover that math skills are the most important thing to succeed in the world of Hollywood acting. 

Plus: Sonesh’s summer fears. Getting married at a marketing convention. Tennis murderer Caravaggio as played by Danny McBride (or maybe Tilda Swinton). Introducing “Where’s Bernie?” a game now found in all books and Netflix shows. 

This episode brought to you by Shel Silverstein, and his tree that gives the dankest of buddha. 

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Shelley Long gets to redo her acting choices Quantum Leap style, and goes up against Whoopi. Or maybe she’s just tripping at the Cheers LSD Bar.

Plus: We start beef with Olivia Colman. Realistic pirates/sharks. Barack “Barry” Poppins at the White House. Those terrible sugar people. Bad ideas for bad trips. Parenting away white privilege in the most offensive way possible. 

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How come female witches get all the easy accoutrement-ing? Male witches, “mitches” henceforth, deserve some help here. We try to help, and you can to, by getting #MitchEmojiNow trending on the socials!

Also: Someone swiped left on you. The Moomba. The broken-condom child named Sonesh. The work game of SoBadItsBad.cum. Ron, you are the worst guest. Stay at Derek’s, man! John Lester as Chris Tucker as Hamlet.

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Did you know that 85% of podcast hosting jobs are set to be taken over by machines? We prove it by handing over large parts of the show to an AI writing algorithm. It’s not as good, but it is less work for us.

Plus, Mindy Kaling and Seth MacFarlane, the couple that starred in Charmed, are set to star in the latest Swedish drama set in Miami. What if your patron deity puts the toilet paper the wrong way? Wesley Snipes for H&R Block. “Feminism kind of happened.” The Sonesh guide to hiding illegal funds. Would you have sex inside dicks (cigarettes)?

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What’s next for the Night King after Game of Thrones? The wonderful Marlee Matlin, that’s what.

Plus the Jordache brothers, Anne Geddes 2.0, G as in gonorrhea, the ethics of utility corridors, and homework help for adulterers.

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WORLD EXCLUSIVE: We, and we alone, are now able to inform you of the ultimate fate of Jon Snow.

Plus: Flag Day action, multi-terrible multi-tools, Tom Selleck and the legend of Cats, & the newest and Cajunest Kardashian. Plus we discover that people need help brainstorming on Reddit.

Please give to www.malariaconsortium.org

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Finally, life has meaning, as there is a podcast of two idiots talking about dumb ideas. In this first episode, we have sloths, rug theft, and topless condoms. Plus we imagine a world that’s Kathleen Turners all the way down.

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